Great men, become great because they have been able to master luck. What the vulgar call luck is a characteristic of genius."
- Napoleon Bonaparte
I stare at my desk, staying motionless. The paper before me is scribbled with numerous lines that all connect in one way or another. Some of the ink is still fresh in the air, as last minute changes were made to the plans. Stretching my arms out, I yawn and look over to the left of my work space. Beside me lay a stack of old newspapers, piled up after weeks and weeks of collection. The headlines make a small impression on me, as I read over the bold faced words once more. "TTL over! The series comes to an end!" Reminds me of the good old days. I sigh at my own cliche nature before giving a glance at the other sights in the room. I first look at the clock, which keeps a nice, mesmerizing mechanical rhythm. Five in the afternoon. Not too late for my plans to start. I already have it all lain out, and the last step, is to take the first step. I smile at myself. "Today is a good day. I'm feeling it." I say under my breath, completely aware that I've probably jinxed myself. I walk back over to my desk; the workshop of my creative genius. Surveying the mess, I pick apart my phone from the rest of the objects, bringing up the dial pad before looking back at the desk. A myriad of different colored sticky notes line most, if not all of the papers and documents. Each is labeled with different names, locations, numbers, or an assortment of the three, with my eyes carefully scanning to check if everything is still in the order. One note stands out in particular, one with a blue color and stuck to the front of a promotional flyer for a TV show. Taking a moment to remember the details, I copy the info onto my phone, double checking to make sure no mistakes were made. I look at the phone blankly, starting at the numbers on the screen. After heaving a heavy sigh, I press the call button, now committed to my cause.
It's been five years since I've contacted them.
But now it's finally time.
It's been five years since I've contacted them.
But now it's finally time.
Now then, before you say to yourself, "Wait, I'm super confused by this crap. This is worse than the fanfics of Sm*sh Bros." Well, you may be right, seeing how this series is already one of the longest running s*itposts in the world, spanning now eight years. Now, let me explain myself a little bit while we both wait for my friend to pick up. I am Justin, though you probably already know that if you read any of the two above articles. Ya know, the character introductions and author's note? The stuff that everyone skips over to get to the action? Well, your problem, then. Not gonna explain everything then if you don't put in the effort to even read the preface, you casual fa-
*Ringggggg*
Great. He picked up now. Saved by the bell, huh? Give me a moment.
A click is heard in my left ear, and a voice speaks up. "Hello? This is the set of 100,000 Ways to Not Live." A voice medium in tone picks up. It's unrecognizable to me, and probably someone that I don't know. "Put Mr. Traveler on the line." I reply confidently. "Whatever you say pal. He'll be on break in 5 minutes." The line goes silent, and I close my phone, left to my own devices once more.
Now then, moving on to more exposition. After all; like a true human, you probably skipped over the intro, but I already covered that base a paragraph or two earlier. Let's answer questions while I'm on hold, shall we? This Master plan that you never heard me talk about up until now, which should be kept confidential and secret at all times? Glad you didn't ask. I'll explain later, but for now, we get some actual backstory! Back in the "before" time, I had a group of friends that was doomed to fall on many bizarre adventures. No, we didn't do anything particularly exciting like defeating big bad villains with amazing superpowers, but instead, we battled the increasingly mundane. No, it was not a slice of life that involved only our school days. It was a gruesome and totally (not) fun quest to beat an age old American Dream: The Oregon Trail! It was a hard trek, where you had to basically make it halfway across an entire country. Not a fun trip to be stuck in, yet that's what made it so popular, and made us so famous! So much chaos, madness, and ten whole seasons of six idiots who had no actual clue on how to make it to Oregon in the first place! Following that note, let's detail the six bumbling idiots that I've come to know and unintentionally murder every other season!
No person is complete without their friends, especially if the majority of them hate you for even being associated with them! Let's start with Tim, my good old childhood friend... I hated his guts. And he hates mine! I'd say our relationship is brains and brawn of the team, along with a side of "I'm gonna best you no matter what, even if it literally kills me!" No, seriously. at least half of Tim's deaths have are due to blindly taking action against me. Anyways, I'll keep introductions brief. Next is Esther, or "Est" as we all called her. She was a really nice little girl, who grew up in a humble farm, all by herself... Talk about cliche. She's inadvertently killed me more than once because of the CCC. Being sacrificed into a boiling pot of oil by the same group who also play Cow of Duty: Milk Warfare on a professional level is kinda degrading, I've gotta say. Especially if it has happened more than once to somebody. IT'S HAPPENED TO ME THREE TIMES NOW. M-Moving on, we have Charlie. Stage Crew, nuf' said. Nobody really cares much about him, I mean, I don't at least. Oh, and he also hates me. Dunno why. Anna would be next, and she also hates me, not to mention being the only person who actually has tried to kill me! She can be nice, but living (literally) with nature has hardened her into a cold, cold person... unless you start talking about love to her.
Cause she's in love with That Guy!
...
...what? You think I'm joking?
First name "That", last name "Guy". Don't ask him. It's a really long story and you don't want to get wrapped up into it. He's honestly pretty normal, compared to the rest of us, and he doesn't flat out hate my guts like most of the cast. Not outstanding in many qualities besides being the fan favorite. If... you don't consider how perverted he can be sometimes... Mainly because of all the very questionable, and probably illegal things he does just to get Anna's attention...
*Ringggggg*
"Hel-"
"JUSTIN! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUC-"
I instinctively hang up, not happy with Tim interrupting my monologue. You don't interrupt someone during a monologue unless you're killing them. In all other situations, it's just plain rude.
*Ringgg-*
"Justin, I swear to whatever deities you believe in, if you hang up-"
"Just get to the point."
"W-what?! You're the one that called me, idiot! Did you need me, or did you need to annoy me?!"
"Well, we already got the former covered, so we can conclude here."
"HEY! Can you just get to the point already?! You're taking up the time normally spent on making sure I'm not poisoned from the inside out by radiation."
"It's time."
No words are spoken for a good twenty seconds, only filled with Tim's heavy breathing and the frantic movement of cast and crew making up the background. After what seems like an eternity, Tim finally responds to my signal.
"...what? Time for what, man? You never told me anything about ANY plans since 5 years ago! Heck, you haven't even CONTACTED me since five years ago!" He shouts, clearly unimpressed.
Well. That didn't go the way I planned it to.
"Ehm... my bad." I sheepishly say, scratching the back of my head. "Anyways! Get over here. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it." I say with confidence once more.
*Ringggggg*
Great. He picked up now. Saved by the bell, huh? Give me a moment.
A click is heard in my left ear, and a voice speaks up. "Hello? This is the set of 100,000 Ways to Not Live." A voice medium in tone picks up. It's unrecognizable to me, and probably someone that I don't know. "Put Mr. Traveler on the line." I reply confidently. "Whatever you say pal. He'll be on break in 5 minutes." The line goes silent, and I close my phone, left to my own devices once more.
Now then, moving on to more exposition. After all; like a true human, you probably skipped over the intro, but I already covered that base a paragraph or two earlier. Let's answer questions while I'm on hold, shall we? This Master plan that you never heard me talk about up until now, which should be kept confidential and secret at all times? Glad you didn't ask. I'll explain later, but for now, we get some actual backstory! Back in the "before" time, I had a group of friends that was doomed to fall on many bizarre adventures. No, we didn't do anything particularly exciting like defeating big bad villains with amazing superpowers, but instead, we battled the increasingly mundane. No, it was not a slice of life that involved only our school days. It was a gruesome and totally (not) fun quest to beat an age old American Dream: The Oregon Trail! It was a hard trek, where you had to basically make it halfway across an entire country. Not a fun trip to be stuck in, yet that's what made it so popular, and made us so famous! So much chaos, madness, and ten whole seasons of six idiots who had no actual clue on how to make it to Oregon in the first place! Following that note, let's detail the six bumbling idiots that I've come to know and unintentionally murder every other season!
No person is complete without their friends, especially if the majority of them hate you for even being associated with them! Let's start with Tim, my good old childhood friend... I hated his guts. And he hates mine! I'd say our relationship is brains and brawn of the team, along with a side of "I'm gonna best you no matter what, even if it literally kills me!" No, seriously. at least half of Tim's deaths have are due to blindly taking action against me. Anyways, I'll keep introductions brief. Next is Esther, or "Est" as we all called her. She was a really nice little girl, who grew up in a humble farm, all by herself... Talk about cliche. She's inadvertently killed me more than once because of the CCC. Being sacrificed into a boiling pot of oil by the same group who also play Cow of Duty: Milk Warfare on a professional level is kinda degrading, I've gotta say. Especially if it has happened more than once to somebody. IT'S HAPPENED TO ME THREE TIMES NOW. M-Moving on, we have Charlie. Stage Crew, nuf' said. Nobody really cares much about him, I mean, I don't at least. Oh, and he also hates me. Dunno why. Anna would be next, and she also hates me, not to mention being the only person who actually has tried to kill me! She can be nice, but living (literally) with nature has hardened her into a cold, cold person... unless you start talking about love to her.
Cause she's in love with That Guy!
...
...what? You think I'm joking?
First name "That", last name "Guy". Don't ask him. It's a really long story and you don't want to get wrapped up into it. He's honestly pretty normal, compared to the rest of us, and he doesn't flat out hate my guts like most of the cast. Not outstanding in many qualities besides being the fan favorite. If... you don't consider how perverted he can be sometimes... Mainly because of all the very questionable, and probably illegal things he does just to get Anna's attention...
*Ringggggg*
"Hel-"
"JUSTIN! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUC-"
I instinctively hang up, not happy with Tim interrupting my monologue. You don't interrupt someone during a monologue unless you're killing them. In all other situations, it's just plain rude.
*Ringgg-*
"Justin, I swear to whatever deities you believe in, if you hang up-"
"Just get to the point."
"W-what?! You're the one that called me, idiot! Did you need me, or did you need to annoy me?!"
"Well, we already got the former covered, so we can conclude here."
"HEY! Can you just get to the point already?! You're taking up the time normally spent on making sure I'm not poisoned from the inside out by radiation."
"It's time."
No words are spoken for a good twenty seconds, only filled with Tim's heavy breathing and the frantic movement of cast and crew making up the background. After what seems like an eternity, Tim finally responds to my signal.
"...what? Time for what, man? You never told me anything about ANY plans since 5 years ago! Heck, you haven't even CONTACTED me since five years ago!" He shouts, clearly unimpressed.
Well. That didn't go the way I planned it to.
"Ehm... my bad." I sheepishly say, scratching the back of my head. "Anyways! Get over here. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it." I say with confidence once more.
"It's Time. Get ready for the Master Plan."
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